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One and Done

CJ Dudek, Sports Columnist

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Welcome to the internet’s newest game show: one and done.

Today we tackle the most innovative sports issues in two paragraphs or less. Contrary to popular belief not every sports topic requires the debate reserved for the United Nations forum.

Anyway here comes the fun.

Topic One: David Ortiz’s choice of language during his pre-game speech at Fenway Park.

One and Done: The FCC said it was okay, YouTube comments actually all agree that it was fine, and the Fenway faithful cheered like they just heard the opening riffs of Aerosmith’s dream on.

Good move Ortiz.

Topic Two: Who is going to win the NBA Finals?

One and Done: (Hysterically laughing) Oh wait this is an actual question. The Miami Heat will be your 2012-2013 NBA champions.

They are far and away the best team in the league. Their offense is impetuous, their defense is impregnable, and LeBron James will eat Kevin Durant’s children.

Topic Three: Should Derrick Rose come back in the playoffs.

One and Done: No. The Bulls don’t want a guy who hasn’t played all season long to be thrust into the playoffs only to unbalance a team overly dependent on defensive chemistry.

Topic Four: Should an NBA team take a chance on Brittney Griner.

One and Done: If any woman is going to try this jump Griner has the best chance become a successful role player.

However, everyone and their grandmother would say it was a publicity stunt rather than a tribute to Griner’s skill. Sadly they would all be right.

Topic Five: The Darrelle Revis Trade.

One and Done: It’s going to happen and the Jets are going to lose this trade.

Contract disputes or not Revis is leaving anyway after next season. New York will try to get something for him and it will not be for the value they want.

Topic Six: Mike Rice, the Rutgers coach that got fired for beating up his players, is now coaching an AAU team of 12 year old girls: in New Jersey.

One and Done: The stupidity of the human species never ceases to amaze.

Topic Seven: Transgender boxer Fallon Fox will take on Allana Jones on May 24.

One and Done: And anyone who has a problem with it can step into the ring with Fox themselves instead of taking pot shots at her behind a computer screen.

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