We have all heard the phrase before. It usually is being directed at a woman who has gone to hell and back for a man that has likely not done the same for her. It’s a sickening description for women who are willing to sacrifice their well being just so they are labeled as a girl who is “down for whatever,” but since when was that ever an honorable label to have?

I heard the most when TMZ broke the story that Tameka “Tiny” Cottle and her husband rapper Tip “T.I.” Harris both went to jail after getting arrested for having drugs in their vehicle while on vacation. Tiny was willing to go to jail for T.I because she knew her sentence wouldn’t be as long since she would be a first time offender. T.I. was still on probation and his arrest for drugs would be a violation of that and he could serve the maximum amount for the charges he incurred from the arrest. Luckily they both were released on bail and neither had to serve any time in prison, but the reaction from the men was the most interesting part of this story.

The men on my Twitter timeline would not let up about Tiny being a woman who was down for her man – she was a “ride or die.” The difference between Tiny and the majority of the women these indirect insults were being hurled at was that the fourth finger on her left hand is decorated and she is legally bound to Tip. The requirements and vows she made draw the line between what she is wants to do and what she is supposed to do. I don’t agree that any women should sacrifice her well being or the well being of her children for a man, something Tiny would have likely had to do should they both have gone to jail. But I understand that she was conflicted during this stressful moment and wanted to help her husband in a “for better or worse” moment. However, that was her husband. It wasn’t her boyfriend, it wasn’t her guy that she is with without a title – it was her husband.

The problem with our generation is that we want wives and husbands without the legal documentation. We want the people in our lives to do all the duties required in a marriage without the actual marriage. As a result, we have flawed, baseless expectations of what our significant others are meant to do. Growing with them is difficult because they have lived the life of a wife but are still just the girlfriend. How is the man supposed to have any incentive of marrying you when you have already played the role of the wife for the duration of the relationship? What is there to really look forward to? That is the issue with this label of “ride or die,” because people expect to ride or die for people you have no real bond with.

The bond is conditional on whether your relationship will even last a year much less till death. It’s important that in relationships we learn to play the role of what our title is and stay in that lane. You don’t need to ride or die for your boyfriend and if he expects you to he is already thinking with an immature state of mind. Riding for your husband is what you swear to in front of your family and in front of God. You are supposed to honor your husband or wife and be there for them in every capacity. A boyfriend is simply a significant other whose place in your life as that role is not meant to stay that way; you either promote your relationship to the next level or break up. Unless they are willing to be with you until death do you part, you don’t need to ride nor die for them.