Students and faculty– 

As you have recently been made aware, we are adding Duo security prompts to more online services. In addition to these enhancements, we will now be requiring six-digit codes for the following on campus: 

1: The gym: If you are not serious about working out, you won’t bother to enter your Duo security code. This one was just common sense.  

2: The bathroom, but only after you have been in there longer than ten minutes: If you are taking that long, you might as well be doing illegal activities. Enter your Duo security code or be trapped in the stall until the police arrive.  

3: Choate House: Why the hell are you going inside? What could possibly be in there? We cannot afford to replace the locks, so we are using Duo instead. 

4: Any science related facility if you are in the MCVA department: There is literally no good reason for you to be in here. Are you making a student film? 

5: The secret lounge: Wait, you all are not supposed to know about that one. Nevermind. Please disregard number five 

6: Rooms with the number 13 in them during the month of October: This is for your own good. There could be ghosts in there! 

7: The Pace Chronicle office, if you are an athlete: It’s like West Side Story, but with less violence, and probably more dancing. You shall not exchange trade secrets.  

8: Any sports field or court, if you’re on The Pace Chronicle: You heard me

9: Choate Pond during the winter: You must consent to the possibility that you may fall in and die. Duo is the easiest way to do that.

10: Your car: Don’t even think about going off campus for lunch, bitch. 

11: Any website with the letters “P, A, C, E, and X” in the name: That means you, Elon Musk.  

Thank You for understanding. 

-Management.