It seems almost impossible these days that a man and a woman could be in a close relationship and keep away from having sex or at least some sort sexual encounter. This could really vary depending on the situation but this is college and a truly platonic relationship is few and far between. It’s becoming very apparent to me since being at Pace that almost every male/female relationship has, at one point, been sexually driven.
The absence of platonic relationships in a college setting might have to do with the introduction of one person to another. Young adults seem to have the tendency to begin making acquaintances with people of the same sex simply because it comes natural in order to find a comfort zone of some sort. And it all spirals down from there. By the time a same-sex group begins interacting with the opposite sex, they’ve probably already decided if they’re attracted to those new people, and on a more shallow level, if they’re willing to be seen with that person in public. It’s sad but we all know it’s true; not many people will surround themselves with people that they find unattractive because they’ll view themselves as an unwanted presence in the eyes of others. Let’s all turn the mirror around and realize that no one enjoys being judged no matter how shallow and unwarranted the judgment is.
This goes for guys too, of course. I’ll be the first to admit when someone asks me what I think about a woman if I think she’s attractive or if I’d make an advance on her. By “advance” of course I mean flirt, hit on, or do something to make a complete fool out of myself in order to impress her. And this goes along with the idea that even though I would like to think of myself as an “equal opportunity friend”, I’m sure that at some level of existence, I don’t want to be surrounded by unattractive people; men or women. And, while I’m a firm believer in the theory that women are just as sexually driven as men, men have something that keeps them from retaining those feelings as much as women can; a penis.
It’s unfortunate (for men) but true; the majority of men can’t control our urges nearly as well as the majority of women can. And this is probably why no one seems to think that an intimate relationship can exist without sex. I think I’m forced to blame the male species for this. I entirely agree with the idea that most men who spend a lot of time with one certain girl have a hidden agenda. Not to say that women never do this as well, but it’s much more common for men who more often look for someone to satisfy their physical needs before their mental or emotional ones.
It’s very upsetting to see but I feel like when a guy goes out of his way to do something nice for a girl, it’s hard for others to see that as simply a nice gesture as opposed to being something to help get him in her pants. Sure, eventually emotions could run through and maybe a different type of relationship might grow, but until you find proof otherwise, try to take it as it is. I know that I have platonic relationships with women and some of my best friends are female, but people seem to assume we’re sexually involved because we’re so close even though our actions prove otherwise. I could sum this up by recommending that everyone just mind their own business and go on their merry way, but I know that won’t happen. My hard truth is that no matter how rare or unlikely it may seem; most people believe in things much more outlandish than a man and a woman being close friends. I just recommend that you keep your minds open to the idea that with so many differing personalities around you on a daily basis, it’s not hard to believe that not everyone has the same agenda.