I torture myself daily with questions as to why our generation enjoys living backwards. We contradict ourselves daily with the instantly gratifying decisions we make and I shake my head in disappointment every time. Maybe I am too invested in the opinion of people who have little to no bearing on my life, but I am worried for my little cousins. I am worried for people I meet in the future who will have to pretend they do not see judgment in my eyes or my forced excitement when they tell me they are pregnant by a man they have no plans to marry.

Call me old-fashioned but our fast paced generation has clearly never looked in the dictionary for the word “forever.” That is evident and clear in the decisions we make. Having a child is not only a life choice that affects the child conceivers, but affects the child as well. Why start off this child’s life on your poor timing and choices, forcing them to have to deal with the probability that they will more than likely grow up in a single parent or two-parent-two-home situation?

Being a product of this scenario, I understand how annoying it is to grow up with two parents that lead separate lives and communicate through me. It is not an ideal way to live and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, but I am glad to have come into this world regardless of the way it was executed. However, I have no plans on letting history repeat itself because it is simply illogical to have a child with someone but not to marry them.

Solidifying your commitment to a person with a child is not a good means to keep any man. Commitment is defined by making a decision to hold one’s self accountable for the responsibilities of caring for another person. Marriage is the ideal commitment for any women because it is the last stop in this tiring race we call “finding the one.” It is the finish line to end all finish lines, and it brings that comfort all relationships yearn for. While it adds the reality of forever, and all of the unpredictable facets of this eternal time frame, it holds both parties accountable to seeing that through. If you come to the realization that marriage with this individual was a bad idea, divorce is an option. I don’t necessarily believe in divorce either, but it is certainly better than having to be tied down forever with a child to a person you cannot stand.

You have to attend parent-teacher meetings with this person. You have to attend every graduation with this person and take photos side by side with this person you presumably hate. You have to attend every life focal point with this individual being with the vicinity of you, and God forbid if you live longer than your child, you will even have to attend the funeral together. I do not want to be reminded of my terrible decision-making in physical form in every event of my life, especially if it is attached to my child. It requires an unparalleled amount of maturity to create a decent relationship with your baby’s mother or father, but not everyone is equipped to deal with that. All of this could be avoided if we learned who this individual was compatibility-wise before we conceive a child together.

This all seems relatively logical, but our generation is no longer concerned with the long-term consequences of our decisions. We have little to no sense of foresight, and it only hurts our futures in the long run if a child has to deal with the brunt of our impatience. As Kanye West advised: “Don’t rush to get grown, drive slow homie.”