The relationship between the NFL and mental illness has been an acknowledgement by the league that was more than overdue. Little is still being done to advance the futures of rookies, current players and future hopeful’s in terms of equalizing the protection from the impact they receive and give on a daily basis, but progress no matter how big or small is still progress. What has remained mum and pushed over within this institution is the issue of domestic violence which has plagued the league and the players within it for decades. However, our worship and reverence for athletes have surpassed our sympathy for the often times nameless victims and no progress has been made in changing that.

Out of the 31 teams in the NFL, 21 of them this year alone have hired at least one player that has been charged with domestic violence or sexual assault.

For the less knowledgeable on matters of domestic violence, the documented cases are not representative at all of the actual statistics of DV and most of the cases brought against the abuser, especially if they are a high profile individual, are dropped or withdrawn. So while this figure is stark in its own right, we can only imagine the amount of women who were, or are still, in abusive relationships and have not yet come forward.

When the topic of domestic violence in relation to the players of the NFL is addressed, many of the people in the higher-up positions such as the general managers and even the commissioner have an excusatory tone and language when addressing it and do not even put a name to the victimized spouse; while they are not defending the action, they are certainly defending the player.

“We don’t condone any kind of domestic violence of any kind in any way,” said Giant’s GM Jerry Reese during a press conference regarding his signing of Michael Boley and Rocky Bernard. Bernard was arrested and charged in 2008 for punching his ex-girlfriend and mother of his child in the face at his birthday party; she was punched so hard that the impact threw her against a glass divider. Boley was charged that same year for beating his wife Chantelle. The details of Chantelle’s beating were that she was thrown over a couch, pushed against a wall and shoved against a kitchen cabinet door leaving her entire upper back bruised.

Reese later assured the public that he was fully aware of the players’ past and the public should speak more on the community service they are involved in. Not only was this utterly dismissive and irrelevant to the fact that they were at one point abusive to another women, but it in no way addressed the bigger picture: domestic violence is only being encouraged by the NFL the more this excusatory language takes place.

Both the NFL and the NBA include in their rookie transition program training on how to avoid getting trapped by “certain” women in collaboration with their financial management training. Tony Perkins was the speaker during the rookie training for the NBA, and his message resonated well with the crop of newcomers on how to avoid the groupies lingering around at their hotel lobbies and stadiums, as well as infidelity from women, sexually transmitted diseases and gold diggers. While this information—that with proper parenting and a decent male figure in the home would not be necessary—connected well with the young men, I wonder how a message on avoiding patterns of an abusive partner would have resonated?

We consistently glorify the athlete, excusing the behaviors as a product of their environment and not reflective on who they are as individuals, but at some point something has got to give. Enter in Kasandra Perkins and Jovan Belcher. The details of the gruesome events that led to Kasandra’s death were enough to leave me shocked as to why all of the attention was paid to Chief’s linebacker Belcher who saw suicide as a way to control his already doomed fate.

Noted in an article by Jessica Valenti for the Nation, the New York Times, friends, colleagues and family used the terms “a good person,” “nice,” “genuine,” “pleasant,” “hard-working,” “a family man,” to describe Belcher. They insisted that what happened between Kasandra and Belcher that night was a result of alcohol, drug abuse and sustained head injuries – enter in the mental illness meme. This “family man” shot his girlfriend nine times in front of their three month old daughter, Zoey, after returning home from another woman’s house. The shots rang off after Belcher claimed that his live-in girlfriend was not being faithful to him and coming home late after returning home from a Trey Songz concert at 1 a.m.; mind you Belcher himself came home late from dinner, drinks and a night cap at another woman’s home. After he killed his girlfriend he kissed her on her forehead, apologizing for what he had done and Kasandra’s mother walked in as he was adorning Kasandra’s with his embrace.

Kasandra, a Texas native who graduated from Anderson High School in Austin, Texas in 2009 was a member of the Lone Star Dance Team, taught praise dance in her church and was a member of the Chief’s women’s organization and participated in community service efforts and organizations. The 22-year-old was attending college to become a teacher and was a loving mother to her newborn child. Rather than facing the consequences of his actions as a man, he killed himself in front of his general manager Scott Pioli, the authorities and other team employees the following morning in the parking lot of the practice facility. He even told the authorities that the women he was with before he came home and killed Kasandra was his girlfriend, and stayed at another women’s home after he murdered her.

This is not to say that the NFL is at all responsible for the actions of the men who work for them, but to say that the same amount of effort they put into training their rookies on avoiding gold diggers couldn’t be put into avoiding abusive patterns in a relationship. This is a problem that even commissioner Roger Goodell recognized, but it took this sad chain of events for the reality of domestic violence to resonate with the league. This is not an issue that can be blamed on mental health or head injuries. Belcher and all of the men like him have a problem that with intervention and accountability. The abolishment of excusatory language from men everywhere can be the little step forward they need.