You know you deserve more. You know that the guy who only texts you on his time is only after one thing. But, still, you respond to the texts. You respond to the Snapchats of his beautiful abs with a sense of thrill and pleasure. Because he is like a drug to you; whenever your phone vibrates you hope it’s a message from him. A “hello doll” or a “you free tonight, pretty lady? ; ).” No you aren’t free, you had plans to…wait, what were those plans? You think to yourself. “Oh never mind, they must not have been important.”

And you text him back saying something along the lines of “Yeah I’m free around 8, if u wanna chill or whatever.”

You played it cool, trying not to sound too eager. Even though you just inadvertently cancelled those plans you couldn’t remember…those plans to help your grandmother bake cookies and deliver them to orphans. Nice going.

I sincerely hope no one would choose a booty call over delivering cookies to orphans. But, this is the real world, and I’m sure people would choose option number one- the sex text (who under the age of 30 really makes a phone call to get booty anymore) over charity time with dear old grandmother. Sex is powerful, but everyone reading this probably knows that already. Strong, independent, single women can respond to whatever guy they want to and do things with whomever they want to. You should all enjoy your nights! Men who want no form of relationship don’t always play these strong, independent, single women. These women do, however, “play” themselves.

The men, in some cases, tell them straight that they are not looking for a relationship. And the women say all right, fine by me.

“It’s good for me to be single; I need time to figure out my own life you reason as you are walking back from spending the night in his room.”

And you can’t seem to figure out whether you are content with the night’s events or disappointed in yourself for being with him even though you know it will lead nowhere. Is this a walk of shame you are taking, or a stride of pride? Are you elated that you have just been sexually fulfilled with no strings attached, and will probably have the chance to do it again next week? Or, are you hoping that he will text you again, hoping he will pay attention to you and consider you a major part in his life, hoping he sees you as something more?

Maybe you are just fine with the way things played out, and feel that you have the upper hand in the cuddle-buddy-ship; maybe you are actually the one who sends the “come over tonight ;)” text messages first, maybe you truly do not want anything more than an occasional hookup. But, maybe you are sincerely confused. You try as hard as you can to keep your feelings from creeping up the morning after, the feelings of wanting to be with him longer than just a night here and there. Are you succumbing to his wonderful abs and charming smile because you are a friend who wants a bit extra without having to put the effort in for a real relationship? Or, are you surrendering to the momentary, fleeting pleasures he provides because you want to keep the door open for a possible future relationship? See, it is sometimes the strong, independent, intelligent women that “play” themselves. They play themselves into thinking there’s more or less feelings between them and their occasional sex partner. They play themselves by

hoping for the future, with allegedly sound and solid reasoning as to their present actions.

These guys may not be the typical “player types” either, the ones who wear entirely too much Axe Body Spray and Armani Exchange apparel. But, even so, they still are toying with your feelings, whether they know this or not. You’re allowing them to do this. That text you sent, that “we can chill or whatever,” opened the door for him for continue with you. Of course you know that, that’s what you wanted or else you wouldn’t have responded.

But please remember what the “whatever” entails. It probably involves things like sex, drugs, and alcohol, that much is a given. But under the “whatever” may lay your deep longings for something more, your sense of self-worth and your sense of self-loathing, your want to not feel but your desire to continue feeling. The act you continually partake in throws your mind into a knot of contradicting feelings and desires. Is the walk you take after a night in his room, one of happiness through a sunshine-y meadow? One through New York City, with clearly marked street signs so you know exactly where you are going? Or is it a walk through a dark forest, with no path?

All you smart ladies out there playing it cool, have fun. Just be wary of next morning’s thoughts on that walk back to your place.

(And I admit that the tables can be turned any which way- women can play men as well.)